A Date With Abigail

By YakkingYakko and The Middle Warner Sibling

(Our story begins in the interior of the Warner Tower. Dot, Wakko, and Yakko are asleep in their bunk beds as a clock on their dresser ticks to 9:00 AM. Once it does, and the alarm rings, Wakko shoots straight up and, with a grin on his face and his tongue hanging out as usual, he happily bounds out of bed)

Wakko: I got to get ready! Got to get ready!

(He runs to the dresser and throws on his shirt, making as much noise as possible.  Dot throws a pillow at him, which misses as Yakko sits up, groggily, to look at him)

Wakko:  Bye!  (He runs out of the room)

Yakko: (Half-asleep) Wakko?

Wakko: (Off-screen) Can't talk now! Gotta get ready! Gotta look my best!

(We see Wakko in the bathroom. He spritzes himself with what is presumably cologne, then grabs a tube of toothpaste, squirts some onto his teeth, then pulls a toothbrush out of his gag bag and begins to brush. He pulls a cup out of his bag, fills it with water from the faucet, rinses, and throws the cup and brush back into his bag.  Yakko, still half asleep, appears in the door way, but gets knocked back into the wall as Wakko races out)

Dot: (V.O, Sounding annoyed) KEEP IT DOWN!

Yakko: (On his butt, he rubs his head) What's the rush Wakko?

Wakko: I'm meeting someone! She's on Studio 6 shooting scenes right now, so I gotta go!

Dot: (Sitting up in her bed, obviously annoyed at being awoken) *Who* could *you* possibly be meeting this early?

Wakko:  Abigail!  I'm meeting Abigail!

(He runs toward the door as Yakko attempts to step in front of him, but he's knocked out of the way again)

Yakko: Oof! Abigail? (A pause, he smirks) Awww....Wakko's got himself a girlfriend.....I wonder who the victi....um.....lucky girl is?

(Wakko skids to a halt to look at Yakko.)

Wakko:  I just told you, Abigail!  (To camera) And everyone wonders why I have Middle Kid Syndrome?  No one listens to me here!

(He shakes his head and runs the rest of the way to the door)

Yakko: I meant more of what does she look.... (He sees Wakko is out of sight) like....

Dot: ....Yeah.....cute....lovely.....well, back to bed for me.... (She goes to fall back asleep as Yakko grabs her hand)

Yakko:  Might as well get up Dot...

Dot:  I'm not getting up before noon (She yawns and stretches) I need my cutie sleep...

Yakko: Trust me, you’re so cute that you don't need any sleep....

Dot: (A pause, she bats her eyes and speaks in a sweet voice) Awwww.....do you mean that?

Yakko:  Sure I do! (Turning so she can't see him, he makes a gookie like face to the camera)

Dot: Well in that case.... (She stands up in bed, pulls off her pajamas and reveals her regular dress) I'm all set.....

Yakko: You're one in a million little sis, now then, lets go track down the middle kid…

(Yakko and Dot exit the tower as, meanwhile, Wakko merrily bounds through the studio, a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers in his hands)

Wakko: (Happily, to himself) Gonna see Abigail!  Gonna see Abigail!  

Ralph: (Off-screen) Daaaa, Hey you!  Kid you!  

(Ralph bungles onto screen, a net in his hands as he does)

Ralph: Daaaa! You is supposed to be in the tower! And you ain't! Therefore, you is doing a bad thing!

(Wakko looks over his shoulder at Ralph, then slowly smiles and skids to a halt)

Wakko:  How do you know it's a bad thing?  (He holds out the box of chocolates to Ralph)  I was bringing these to you!  Wasn't that nice of me?

Ralph: (A pause) Is there....coconut ones in there?

Wakko: (Smiles more) Of course....

Ralph: (Grins stupidly) Daaaa.....youse is such a nice Warner!

Wakko (Softly, smirking to the camera) That's what you think...

(Wakko opens up the box of chocolates, and a large boxing glove pops out and socks Ralph in the mouth)

Ralph (Dazed): Daaa, That was good Hawaiian Punch chocolate... (He falls over on his back)

(Wakko pulls out his bag, shoves the box into it and begins to run off.  He comes back and puts the flowers in Ralph's hands, then leaves. Meanwhile, Yakko and Dot come by and stop by the fallen Ralph)

Yakko: Did you see which way Wakko went? (Ralph holds up a finger and points in the direction Wakko went) Thanks big guy.....

Ralph (Still dazed) They be nice Warners too...

Dot: (Cocks her thumb to point back at Ralph)  what's gotten into him?

Yakko: Asleep on the job it seems....tsk, tsk....I hope TP doesn't catch sight of that....

(Yakko and Dot finally catch up to the skipping Wakko, and Yakko grabs him by his collar and gently pulls him over to him)

Wakko: (Yelps in surprise, then looks at Yakko and Dot) Hey, what gives?

Yakko: Come on sib....tell us about this Abigail gal....

Dot: She better not be cuter then me....That’s all I’m gonna say…

Wakko (Dreamily as he sighs smittenly):  Oh she's really cute!  Faboo!  Beautiful coat, nice figure, big brown eyes...

Yakko: (More to Dot) She sounds cuter then you....

Dot:  What was that Yakko? (She lets out a fake little laugh) Eh ,Eh, I could have sworn you said something like someone sounds cuter than me.. (She grabs one of his ears) and you'd never say that, right?

Wakko: Never mind that you guys, I've gotta go meet Abigail before filming ends for the day! (He skips off happily) By-yeeee!

Yakko (Still hunched over, Dot holding his ear) Wait, Wakko!  Who is she?

(Wakko is out of sight as Dot lets go of Yakko's ear)

Dot: Anymore talk of someone else being cuter....and you die.....

Yakko: (Deadpan) Yeah, yeah, heh, sure… cutest thing in the world you are.  Come on, we got to catch him!

(They run around the corner of the building and out of site of the camera Mr. Plotz and Dr. Scratchansniff, meanwhile, are walking side by side to lunch. Wakko zips past them, startling them somewhat)

Mr. Plotz: Otto, Was that a Warner?!?

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Looks to where Wakko ran and gasps)  Ja, dat be Wakko and he be a Warner!

Mr. Plotz:  What's he doing out of the tower! (A pause, curious)  And where are the other two?

(Yakko and Dot, on cue, zip into Plotz, running him over in the process)

Dr. Scratchansniff: Uh....zhere zey are Mr. Plotz.....

Mr. Plotz (flattened on the ground, he groans in pain) Ugh....

Yakko:  Hey Scratchy!  You seen Wakko?

Dr. Scratchansniff: He uh....went that way.....wait a minute, what am I saying? You need to be in the tower you Warners! (Grabs his net from off camera)

Dot:  Wait!  Wouldn't you rather put all three of us in the tower?

Dr. Scratchansniff: (A pause, he thinks this over) Well, ja...

Yakko:  So, you can't grab us now!  There's only two of us!

Mr. Plotz: (Pops back up, shakes his head of cobwebs, then frowns at Scratchansniff) Grab them now Otto! Or you get the axe!

Yakko: Don't listen to him....he obviously has no idea of what he's saying....wouldn't you rather grab all of us instead of grabbing Dot and I....hauling us back to the tower....then going to look for Wakko?

Dr. Scratchansniff: (A pause, to Plotz) He....has a point you know....

Mr. Plotz:  So do you…on your head!  Grab them! Now!

(Yakko and Dot plant a kiss on the Doc's mouth before he can do anything. When they break off and as the Doc gags and wipes his mouth, the two scatter away)

Mr. Plotz:  Scratchansniff, you incompetent, sorry excuse for a…

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Cutting Plotz off) Please, please, calm down Mr. Plotz…getting yourself upset is no good, ja?

Mr. Plotz: You’re right....firing you will make me feel better... (The Doc nervously gasps) Which is what I'm going to do if you don't catch those Warners.... (Yells in the Doc's ear) RIGHT NOW!

Dr. Scratchansniff: Ja, Ja, I be on de case!  I get those Warners… all of zem

(Dr. Scratchansniff heads off as we cut back again to a happily skipping Wakko)

Wakko: (Looking at his watch)  I'm running late, got to hurry!

(He goes from skipping to running as Yakko and Dot come running around the corner of a building further behind him)

Yakko: (Dons a cowboy hat and a lasso) I saw this in a John Wayne movie....well...every John Wayne movie....

Dot:  You going to rope him, hog tie him, and brand him?

Yakko: The first one will do fine....if he gives me any lip....then we get to two and three....

(Yakko whips the lasso around and grabs Wakko by the waist, then pulls him to him. Wakko looks surprised as he is dragged quickly back across the lot)

Wakko: Hey! Yakko, stop!  I'm making even worse time than before...

Yakko: Wakko, could ya slow down for one minute and tell us more about Abigail?

Wakko: No time! No time! (He struggles to get loose) I'm gonna be late!

(Wakko pulls out a chainsaw and begins to cut the rope)

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Off-screen) Zere you loony Warners are!

Wakko: Now look what you've done! Scratchy's gonna try and grab us!

Yakko: (More to the camera then to Wakko) “Try” being the key word.

(The Doc and Ralph bungle on-screen, nets in tow, Ralph points out the Warners with a finger)

Ralph: Daaaaa....here they be Doc!

Yakko: Uh oh! Time to make tracks sibs!

(Still holding a roped Wakko, Yakko, Dot behind him, begins to run, with Scratchansniff and Ralph in pursuit. The three sibs duck under a huge buffet table, though unfortunately, Ralph's large girth cannot, and he crashes through it, causing a punch bowl to fly up and land on The Doc's head)

Ralph: (Sheepishly) Daaaa, sorry doctor.

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Calmly, punch dripping down his face) Do not worry about it Ralph. I know what an idiot you are, so what did I expect?

Ralph: (Smiles)  Daaa, that's awfully nice of you.

(Scratchansniff takes the punch bowl off his head and slams it on Ralph's head)

Wakko: (Meanwhile) We're almost there.....to see....hee....Abigail!

Yakko:  Come on Wakko, tell us about her!

Wakko: I'll do you one better....I'll let you meet her!

Dot: (Sighs) She better be worth all this hassle…

(Wakko, with Yakko and Dot close behind, runs into a studio and towards a group of people)

Wakko: (Pushing through some studio workers) Scuse me....pardon me.... (He passes by Steven Spielberg slowly.) Excuse me Steven…

Steven Spielberg: Oh, hi Wakko….Hmmm, wonder what his hurry is today….

Yakko: (Running past) He’s got himself a girlfriend Stevie….

Steven Spielberg: Does he? (Smiles) Aw, now isn’t that nice….

Dot: (Comes into shot, skids to a halt, then slowly leaps into Steven’s arms and smiles) Hiya Stevie….did you get that memo I sent you?

Steven Spielberg: The uh….cartoon idea devoted entirely to you marrying Tom Cruise? (Dot nods) Uh….yeah….I’ll uh….see what I can do with that idea…

Dot: (Pinches his cheek and smiles) Aw, thank ya kid….you’re such a doll, do you know that?

(She leaps out of his arms and races off as Steven slowly looks to the camera)

Steven Spielberg: I didn’t have the heart to tell her Tom refused….that, and I was afraid she might hurt me…badly….

(Wakko, meanwhile, is still running along the set, though Yakko and Dot are almost caught up with him)

Yakko: (Panting) Wakko....slow down.....

Wakko: Just a bit further.....

Dot (Panting):  I hope so, I'm about to start sweating… and that’s not cute at all!

Yakko: Mel Gibson sweats and you think that's cute....

(Dot gets a smile on her face at the mention of Mel, though she soon shakes her head of the thought)

Dot: That's different…it's manly!  Imagine what he was doing to get all sweaty…. (Smiles and sighs dreamily) I know I will…

(Dot and Yakko spot Ralph and the Doc and speed up, though they quickly stop when they see Wakko enter onto a movie set)

Wakko: (Pointing and bouncing up and down happily) There! There she is.... (Hearts in his eyes) My Abigail!

(Yakko and Dot stop and look onto the set, though neither of them, for the time being, can spot who Abigail is.)

Dot:  Where?  Where? All I see are a couple of cows!

Yakko:  She hiding Wakko?  I don't see anyone?

Wakko: (Smittenly) There.....She’s right there…

(The theme to Romeo and Juliet plays as he points to a cow and a spotlight shines on her. Yakko and Dot exchange a look, then look at the cow again)

Yakko: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.....I can't say I'm surprised.....

Dot: (Sputtering) A cow….a cow?!?! I was dragged out of bed and chased all over the lot over a cow?

(Wakko runs over to Abigail and hugs her tightly as he grins and giggles happily)

Wakko:  Sorry I'm late!

(Abigail moos as Wakko hugs her tighter around her neck)

Wakko: (Softly) Of course I brought it....I would never forget it....Not for you…

(He takes out some sugar cubes from behind his back and holds them out in his hand. Abigail moos again, then begins to eat the sugar cubes as Wakko laughs, and Yakko and Dot continue to look on, stunned).

Dot:  He's not going to milk her is he?

Yakko: Not with little kids watching I hope... Uh...Wakko.... (Walks up to Abigail and Wakko) I uh.....don't quite understand the connection here....

(Wakko happily looks at Yakko, then motions him over to he and Abigail)

Wakko:  Hey Yakko!  I forgot about you! Here, Meet Abigail!

Abigail:  Moo!

Yakko: Erm....charmed I'm sure....So uh....when do we get to meet her folks huh?

Wakko:  Oh, they’re back on the farm!  She (pats Abigail on the nose) came to Hollywood to be a big star!

Dot: (Rolls her eyes) Gosh....she's the next Meryl Streep....I can tell…

Wakko: I know, isn't she?

Dot: (Sighs and shakes her head) Sarcasm is lost on you, isn't it?

(Ralph and The Doc suddenly appear at the entrance. Ralph points The Warners out, and they come towards them)

Ralph: (Out loud) Dere day are!

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Hushed whisper, to Ralph) Quiet you fool!  We wantz to sneak up on dem, ja?

(Ralph nods as he and the doc sneak up on them, though Dot spots them, and she tugs on Yakko's pant leg)

Dot:  Um, Yakko?

Yakko: (Looks over his shoulder at Dot) Give me a minute sib. (Turns back to Wakko)  Ok, Wakko, I'm still confused...

Dot: (Tugging more frantically at Yakko’s pant leg) Yakko!

Yakko: Dot....could you please wait one minute while I talk to Wakko?

Dot:  No, Yakko, you don't understand... (A net slams down on her. She sighs and shakes her head, speaking in a deadpan delivery) Scratchy and Ralph are here....

(Yakko jumps back as Wakko looks up from patting Abigail)

Wakko:  Well, why didn't you say so?

(Yakko is caught by The Doc and he and Dot are stuffed in a bag held by Ralph)

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Coming up to Wakko) Now Wakko....are you going to be good and come with us....or are you going to be all loony?

Wakko: (Makes a gookie face at Scratchansniff, then grins) What do you think Scratchy?

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Sighs, holds up his net) Ja....what was I zinking?

(Wakko fearfully backs away as Abigail angrily moos and steps in front of The Doc in a protective, of Wakko, stance)

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Nervously) Wakko, why don't you call off your big pet, ja?  

Ralph:  Daaaa, Nice cow…I like de cows, with French fries and ketchup!  Burgers are my favorite meal!

(Wakko winces and shakes his finger at Ralph)

Wakko:  You shouldn't have said that...Abigail doesn’t take kindly to jokes like that…

(Abigail snorts angrily and she turns around, using her hind legs to kick Ralph. He flies across the room and into the wall)

Ralph: (Dazed) I tink....I'm gonna be a vegetarian from now on......ugh.... (He peels off the wall and falls face first to the floor)

(Wakko hops onto Abigail’s back, and leans down to looks at the doc, who smiles nervously and backs up a step.)

Wakko: Well, What about you Scratchy?

Dr. Scratchansniff: (Nervously)  I....uh....you....er.....I.....like chocolate milk?

(Unimpressed, Abigail swats The Doc with her hind legs as well. The doc hits the same wall as Ralph, and lands on the floor. Wakko rides Abigail across the set to them, and nudges the bag with Yakko and Dot in it. The bag opens, and Yakko and Dot pop out and to their feet)

Yakko: Phew! (Smiles and pats Wakko on the shoulder) Good show Wakko!

Wakko:  Don't thank me, thank Abigail

(Abigail moos as Yakko smiles and pats her head, then pets her nose gently)

Yakko: Awww.....thanks girl....

Dot: (Sighs) Well....she did save us....and she does have the cutest eyes.... (She smiles and hugs Abigail's nose) Thanks girl....

(Abigail turns from Dot to watch Wakko fish into his pocket and pull out more sugar cubes, which he feeds to Abigail)

Wakko: Aw.....good girl......

Dot: So do I hear wedding bells in your future Wakko? (Smirks)

Yakko: We'll never run out of milk with her around.....

(Wakko looks at them, his eyebrows raised curiously)

Wakko: Wedding bells?

(He slowly looks at Abigail, then back to his sibs, then, he smiles and waves this notion off)

Wakko: Gosh no! I wanna be a bachelor for awhile! They have the nicest pads! And besides.... (He goes up and whispers to Yakko) She snores in her sleep.....

Yakko:  I'm not even asking how you know that.

(Wakko pets Abigail twice, then leaps off of her and onto his feet beside Yakko)

Wakko: Ok....I'll see you tomorrow Abigail! Stay out of trouble now!

Dot: Tomorrow?  (She rubs her forehead, confused)  Wakko, I have to ask, what do you see in her exactly?

Wakko: Isn't it obvious? (A pause, Dot and Yakko shrug) It's her great sense of humor of course! She tells such great jokes!

(As some ending music plays, Dot and Yakko give each other a look, then give a raised brow look to the camera as we fade to black)

The End