Yakko's Sick Day

Yakko’s Sick Day

By YakkingYakko and The Middle Warner Sibling

(Our story begins within the Warner Tower, specifically, the bedroom. Some cheery, bouncy music plays as we see Dot and Wakko getting dressed for the day in their usual trademark clothes, yet Yakko remains buried under the covers of his bed)

Wakko/Dot: (Singing) We're going to the park....we're going to the park....hi ho the Derry oh, we're going to the park!

(Yakko sticks his head out from under the covers. His nose is running slightly, and he has small bags under his eyes. It is obvious that he is under the weather, and it shows as he groans and lays his head back onto his pillow)

Yakko: (A somewhat hoarse, stuffed up voice) Please go now….

Wakko: (Singing) Yes it's me the Warner Brother...

Dot: (Singing) And the cute little Warner Sister...

Yakko: (Spoken) And the very sick eldest brother.... (He sneezes, then groans a bit)

(Wakko frowns at his brother’s plight, then goes up to him and gently pats Yakko’s chest)

Wakko:  Awww, You want some chicken soup?

(He reaches into his bag, and pulls out a bowl, a can, and a live chicken.  He slams the chicken with the can, and sticks both the can and the dazed chicken into the bowl and holds it out to Yakko)

Yakko: Eeeeeeh....I think I'll pass.....

Dot: Aww...you poor thing... (Feels his forehead with her hand. When she pulls it away, her hand is on fire, she calmly douses this with a cup of water) You’re really burning up....

Wakko: Should we turn the air conditioning up?

Yakko: Ugh.... (Wipes his nose) I think some rest will do me much better....thanks though....

(Dot and Wakko watch as Yakko buries himself back under the covers.  Wakko goes to leave his soup by the bed, but Dot stops him and shakes her head no.  Wakko shrugs and puts the concoction back into his bag)

Dr. Scratchansniff: (V.O, Knocking at the tower door suddenly) Warners....we be going to ze park today ja? Are you ready?

Dot/Wakko: (Excitedly gasp, then speak in unison) Yeah!

(They run out of the bedroom, through the living room, throw open the door, and jump into the docs arms, giving him a big sloppy kiss on the mouth)

Dr. Scratchansniff: (As they break off) Patooie! Argh! (He wipes his mouth) Ugh....you Three Warners are starting in already! I... (A pause, he slowly counts Dot and Wakko) Wait a moment....why only two of you when there is usually three, ja?

Dot:  Yakko's sick!

Wakko:  Yeah, really sick, his nose is snotty and everything!

Dr. Scratchansniff: Sick?

(He peers into the tower. Yakko sniffles twice, then waves weakly at The Doc)

Dr. Scratchansniff:  A sick Warner?  Not doing the jumping around zany stuff?  Oh dear, I hope he did not catch it from me when I was sick… (He drops Dot and Wakko and walks toward the bed)  Is…Is dis a trick… more monkey stuff?

Yakko: (Sitting up, he puts a finger under his nose) Ah.....Ah....Ah.....CHOOOO!

(The force of Yakko's sneeze sends The Doc into the wall, covered in snot. Scratchansniff groans and slides down the wall and into a sitting position on the floor)

Yakko: (Sniff) No....no trick....

Scratchansniff (wiping snot off):  Ja, I can tell deese tings, no tricks.  Do you be needing anything?

Yakko: I be needing some medicine....and tissues....And possibly Michelle Pfeiffer....not in that order of course....

Scratchansniff:  always wit de zany stuff, even when sick.  I will get you tissues and medicine, ja?

Yakko: Ja....

Wakko: Bye, Bye Yakko... (Pats his brothers arm gently with his hand) Try not to let the germs take your body over in a full scale invasion, ok?

Yakko:  Ja...  (Sniffles twice)

(Dot comes over to the other side of the bed and kneels down to Yakko, gently stroking his forehead with her hand twice)

Dot:  Are you sure you'll be ok… if we leave, who’ll take care of you?

Yakko: I'll find someway to pass the time...

Dot: Ok... (She gently kisses his forehead) Feel better big brother....Oh and uh....you sneeze on my stuff....and you die....

Yakko: (To the camera) Sibling love…  Can't beat it….

Dr. Scratchansniff:  Let's us go to ze park and leave Yakko alone, ja?  

Wakko: (As he, The Doc, and Dot begin to go off) Will we get ice cream at the park Scratchy?

Dr. Scratchansniff: If you are good little kids, ja...

Dot: Define “good”…..

Wakko: Yeah, what you might consider good, we might think is boring….

(Yakko covers his head as he listens to his siblings and the doctor leave, closing the door almost silently)

Yakko: (Muffled, under the pillow) Well....thus begins my first day alone without my siblings in quite some time… (He sits up slowly, scratches his head, and looks to the camera) What am I going to do?

(Yakko slowly looks around the room, then spots his paddle ball set situated in the corner. He smiles and hops out of bed, clad in a white one piece pajama, and heads over to it. Yakko takes the paddle ball out of the box and bounces said ball a few times before it slips and misses a paddle. He frowns and sighs at this.)

Yakko:  Never had that happen before...

(He opens up the box where the paddle ball originally rested in and pulls out a slip of paper that was inside of it.)

Yakko: Lessee..... (Reading from the paper) "Take the Bugs Bunny challenge....hit the ball 7 trillion, 4 billion, 3 million, 329 thousand, 277 times".... (A pause, he looks to the camera) .....That's just crazy enough to be fun....

(Yakko begins to paddle, counting out loud as he does so in rhythm to the paddling)

Yakko:  One, two, three... (The ball misses the paddle and falls) Darn..... (He tries again) One, two, three.... (It falls again) ....this might be awhile....

(Superimposed caption over a black screen: One hour later)

Yakko:  One, two, three… (He misses, then starts up again) One, two… (He misses again, groans) I'm getting worse.

(Superimposed caption over a black screen: Two more agonizing hours later)

Yakko: (Tired voice as he paddles) 501....502....503....504... (He slowly begins to get more excited) 505....506....507...... 508...509...Ah.....Ah.....Ah No....Chooo! (The ball falls)

(Yakko slowly puts a hand to his face and lets it run down past his mouth)

Yakko: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.....that's enough paddle ball for one....eternity.....

(Yakko throws the paddle ball back in the box, sneers at the Bugs Bunny challenge, balls it up, and chucks it into the waste basket, Shaq style)

Yakko: Heh, Heh…two points! Hmmm, I've got an idea! Let's see what's on TV! TV always has great shows on.....except that Tiny Toons thing....spew.....

(With that, Yakko turns on the TV, flipping to the first channel.)

Voice: (Male’s and goofy sounding) Hey kids! Hee, hee, haw, haw! It’s time for Bologna the Dinosaur and Friends!

Yakko: (Grimaces) No it isn’t….

(He switches past a few channels until he lands on something that apparently interests him.)

Voice: ….Watch out for snakes!

Voice 2: (After a pause) Eeegah! Stem low!

Yakko: Yeech…I hate cavemen movies….

(He switches channels around again until he lands on his third selection)

Voice: (Female’s) Today on The Home Shopping Network, we’re offering a huge special…buy one pair of lederhosen, get the second one free!

Yakko: (To the camera) I'm so glad we have 2000 channels.....

(He flips through the channels a few more times again, then settles upon some music playing.)

Voice: (Male and announcer like) It's the greatest hits of Fat, Fat, Fat Elvis!

Fat Elvis: (On screen, Busting out of his jump suit, sweating profusely) I'm just a hunka hunka burning love...I could use a hunka, hunka, hunka cheese... (He staggers backwards and falls)

Voice:  Yes, all this can be yours for $19.99!  Ten hours of such classics as "Peanut butter and nanner sandwich", "I have not left that building", and "I'm dead, get over it already"

Yakko: Way ahead of you.... (He switches the channel)

Announcer: (Extremely bland voice) And now.....it's time for the "Watching Paint Dry Hour"....

Yakko (Smirking):  People will watch anything...

(He settles back to watch, thinks about it, and changes the channel to see the "Animaniacs" title card on screen)

Wakko: (V.O) Baton Rogue, Louisiana, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Columbus is the capital of O-hi-o!

Yakko: Sheesh… The stuff they put on TV today…..who wants to learn about state capitals?

(He changes the channel again to "The Wonderful World of Plywood”)

Announcer: (Ben Stein voice) There are exactly 408 types of plywood in the world....and I am now going to list them one at a time… very...very slowly.....

Yakko:  Ahhhhhh! (Clutches remote, shuts eyes, with a strained voice) Too dull! Brain cells…evaporating!

(He changes the channel again to what looks like a fashion TV show.)

Announcer:  Now, the Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie special....with special guest model....Rosie O'Donnell!

Yakko: (Does a huge gookie face) Speeeeeeeeeeeew! (He switches the TV off) Hmmm….What to do now….oh hey….I know…..maybe I could have something to eat! (Mutters) Though after that Rosie O’Donnell thing….

(He shakes this off rushes to the kitchen, making his way up to a bunch of cabinets as he does)

Yakko: Let's see.... (He opens up one of the cabinets and finds several empty jars and boxes within it)....Wakko beat me too it, it seems.....  (More to the camera) I'm surprised he didn't eat the boxes too…

(He sighs and slowly closes the cabinet, then walks to the middle of the next room and sits down)

Yakko: Hey! I know! I'll become one with the universe! (Goes into a yoga position) That's always fun..... (Slowly, he closes his eyes and puts his arms up, beginning to chant) Llama, llama, llama, llama....

(Superimposed caption on a black screen: Ten minutes later)

Yakko (Still in the same spot, he opens one eye and looks to the camera): No answer, and my legs got a cramp….

(He sighs and gets up, walking over to the door to the Tower and opening up, gazing outside)

Yakko:  Hmm, guess I could always take a walk...with Scratchy gone, maybe Hello Nurse is lonely...

(He thinks this over for a moment, then slowly looks to the camera and speaks)

Yakko: Then again....I wouldn't wanna get her sick....or anyone else sick.... (He snaps his fingers) I've got it...

(He goes back inside and shuts the tower door. About 10 seconds later, he comes back out rolling around in a plastic ball)

Yakko: (To the camera) Boy in the Bubble, get it?

(Yakko proceeds to bounce down the ladder. Once he is on the ground, he rolls into the main area of the studio, soon rolling past Ralph, who does a double take and rubs his eyes in surprise at seeing this.)

Ralph: Daaaa....a hamster?!?

Yakko: (Calling back to Ralph) Right…. Egad …A hamster…. Narf! You're a genius Ralph! Bye!

Ralph:  Daaaa… Bye!  (He closes his eyes and leans back in his chair)  Boy, dat Pinky mouse…he sure has grown….and turned darker….da….wonder where dat smart friend of his is….

(Yakko chuckles as he continues to roll about the studio. He soon spots Hello Nurse walking in the opposite direction and skids around abruptly, hearts in his eyes)

Yakko:  Hello Nurse!  (He begins to run in the ball trying to catch her)

(Hello Nurse gasps and begins to run as Yakko gives chase)

Yakko: Come on! I'm awfully sick! One kiss from you and I'll be all better!

Hello Nurse:  Go away Yakko!

(She ducks into the entrance of a studio and slams the doors shut Yakko smacks into the doors, which causes his ball to roll backwards, which flattens a passing Mr. Plotz)

Mr. Plotz: Da-ha-hooo! (He groans as we now see he is flat on the ground)

Yakko: (As he rolls away) Whoops! Eh eh, sorry about that!

Mr. Plotz: (Dazed) Ugh, anyone get the number of that ball....?

(Plotz sits up and spots Yakko in the ball, as Yakko skids to a stop, grins sheepishly, and waves at him.)

Mr. Plotz: You!

Yakko: Sorry TP, just passing through....

Mr. Plotz: Get back to your tower!  The streets aren't safe with you on the loose… wait… (A worried look comes over his face) where are those two other deranged lunatics?

Yakko: They’re with Scratchy at the park.....hmm....I wonder how he's holding up....

(We cut to a shot in the park of a bruised and banged up Doc stumbling about as Wakko chases around two women, who scream in horror, and Dot is seen crying and tugging on his shirt sleeve. )

Dot: Ice cream! I want Ice cream! Bwaaaaaaaaah!

Dr. Scratchansniff: (To the camera, dazed and exhausted) ...Someone please help me....

(We abruptly cut back to Yakko and Mr. Plotz back on the lot)

Yakko: Eh, I'm sure they're just fine....

Mr. Plotz:  I'll deal with them later!  But you, you and your ball…get back to the tower!

Yakko: How dare you tell me to go back to your tower! You get back there! You live there after all!

Mr. Plotz: Well….All right, that makes sense, I might as well get back too… (A pause, he angrily growls) Why you….Get back to your tower you lunatic! (He backs up, then charges at Yakko to kick the ball away)

(Yakko rolls out of the way, and Plotz winds up kicking Ralph, who bungles into the way, in the stomach. The lower half of Plotz’s body is now stuck in Ralph’s gut)

Ralph: Ooof! Daaa....why'd ya hit me Mr. Plotz?!?! That really hurt!

(Plotz struggles to free his lower half from Ralph's stomach fat as Yakko watches the scene, amused)

Mr. Plotz:  Get me out of your gut Ralph!

(Ralph grabs Plotz’s head and pulls with all of his might. Soon, Plotz pops back out onto the ground on his butt.)

Mr. Plotz (Quietly and angrily):  Ralph, why is there a Warner running free on the lot in a ball?

Ralph: Daa....do I get three guesses?

Mr. Plotz: (Slow burn take to the camera, then to Ralph) …Sure Ralph….  (He crooks his finger for Ralph to bed down)  Come here….

(Ralph bends down, and Plotz proceeds to hit him twice on the head with his fist)

Ralph: (Holding his head, dazed) Daaaaa....Owwie….

Mr. Plotz:  There…that was two…now here’s the third… (Points to Yakko) Get that nut, now!

(Ralph salutes and chases after Yakko, who speeds away within his ball across the lot)

Yakko: (To the camera) I feel like I'm on American Gladiators....cept Ralph certainly isn't Nitro.....

Ralph: (Puffing, behind Yakko's ball) Daaa Warner!  You got to stop, you got to be in your tower!  (He mutters, more to himself)  I want to get a ball too...

(Yakko cruises onto the set of a Sci-Fi film, where a Sigourney Weaver-esque woman is battling an alien creature)

Yakko: (Smirks, to the camera) I wish I had Dot's pet right now, she always said it did need a playmate…

Sigourney Weaver actress: Get away from me you....you....

Yakko: (Rolls into shot next to her) Ahem! Have we no regard for the children at home?

Sigourney Weaver actress: (Starting to turn around) Hey buddy, I'm just reading the script here, and you’re interrupting a closed set too, how dare…  (She now looks and sees Yakko)  Ahhhh!  What are you?

Yakko: That depends.... (Bats his eyes) Are you single? Cause if you are, I'll be anything you want....

Ralph (Off- screen): Warner!  Daaa, hey you, you seen a Warner here?

Yakko: Let's take a rain check on that, ok doll? (He makes a few kissing noises at the Sigourney Weaver actress, then he rolls off as Ralph follows)

(Soon, Yakko has rolled onto the set of a kids show, where Pee Wee Herman is standing before a camera)

Pee Wee Herman: (Bouncing up and down) Connect the dots, la, la, la, la! Connect the dots, la, la, la, la! (Does his trademark laugh)

(Yakko rolls up to Pee Wee, skids to a stop, then looks him up and down before speaking)

Yakko: Face it Pee Wee, it’s over now….not too many people are interested in you anymore…I know I’m certainly not…

(Pee Wee, angry at being interrupted, takes out a large pin and pops the bubble, causing it to shoot forward.)

Pee Wee: (Suddenly cultured voice) I hate...interruptions....especially from odd puppy children…

(Yakko flies out of the now popped bubble and crashes into a wall. He peels off of it and sits down, holding his head in a dazed manner as actress Jennifer Aniston walks over and kneels down to him)

Jennifer: Awww....are you ok, you poor little.....whatever you are.....

Yakko: (Still holding his head, he looks up at Jennifer) Ugh, no, I'm sick and injured (He slowly grins and jumps up into her arms) Heal me with your kisses! (A pause, he eyes her) Have you had all your shots?

Jennifer Aniston: ....I'd rather go back to Vince Vaughn....

(Yakko tries to kiss Jennifer, who screams and drops him to the ground, then takes off running)

Yakko (Muttering):  How sympathetic…. (Louder voice)  Come back, I'm only a little contagious!

(Yakko goes to run after her, but Ralph steps in front of him. Yakko skids to a stop, sheepishly waves to Ralph, then turns around and rushes away)

Yakko: Ugh....I'm too sick to keep this up...better call it a day.... (A pause, he smirks) but first....Hey Ralphy boy.....

Ralph:  Daaa, don't try yours smart stuff wit me!  I got youse now!

Yakko: I don't think you understand.... (He skids to a stop, as does Ralph) I'm awfully sick....that's why I was in that bubble....cause you see.....eeeeeeeeeeeeh.....I'm suffering from the....Schmoopie Woopie Flu.....

Ralph:  Da Schmoopie Woopie Flu?  (He scratches his head, confused)  I done never heard of dat...

Yakko: Well...it's a flu that only toons get....but humans can contract it from toons... (Ralph nervously gulps and looks at Yakko) And...unfortunately.....with me being outside of that bubble....I'm afraid you've caught.....The Schmoopie Woopie Flu now too....

Ralph:  I have?!?  (Scared tone of voice) But….But I don't want the Shoo Fly Whoopie… I mean…the Whoopie Dooopie…da... da flu!  (He nervously gulps)  What do I do’s?  Ya got to help me!

Yakko: First....we must check if you have the symptoms of the Schmoopie Woopie Flu....let's see....first....accelerated body fat... (Takes a look at Ralph's stomach, then pats it twice) check.....second....An unusual way of talking…

Ralph: Daa….I ain’t never really listened to myself talks before! Da, I hopes I sound okie dokie!

Yakko: Tsk, Tsk, Tsk….check….third…. lumps on one's head.... (He grabs a mallet from behind him and smacks Ralph on the head, causing two lumps to sprout up.) Gasp! You do!

Ralph (Falls onto his butt, crying and dazed):  What do I do now?  Oh, I got to get rid of it!  I got a little Ralph at home!

Yakko: There's only one way to get rid of the Schmoopie Woopie Flu....

Ralph: (Goes on his knees, pleading) Da! Anything! Tell me! I don't want to be sic-ed!

Yakko: (A pause, he thinks) Eeeeeeeeh....give TP a great big kiss and you'll be fine.....

Ralph:  I can do’s dat!  He trails off to think, then continues) Hey, is dat why youse guys are always trying to kiss him?

Yakko: (A pause) ....Yep....early prevention is the best type around.... (He gives the camera a gookie, then smirks)

Ralph:  Daaaaa, Ok! Hey tanks!  (He shakes Yakko's hand vigorously) Tanks!  I gots to go find Mr. Plotz!  He'll help me!

(Ralph races off as Yakko smirks and begins to walk back to the tower slowly)

Yakko: I wish I had a camera for what's gonna happen in the next few minutes.....

(His smirk becomes a grin as he continues to walk and we hear a screaming sound off-camera)

Mr. Plotz: (V.O) Ralph! Get away from me….No….none of that….no….No…..Aaaaah! Why you….

Ralph: (V.O) Daaaa....But Mr. Plotz! I needed to do that so I could get rid of da Schmoopie Woopie Flu!

Mr. Plotz: (V.O, Angry) I'll Schmoopie Woopie you, you big fat lummox!

(Yakko laughs as he begins to climb the tower ladder and he looks over his shoulder to see Ralph running, holding his head and being chased by Plotz, carrying a large bat)

Yakko: In the words of Slappy Squirrel....Now that's Comedy....

(He opens up the tower door and slowly climbs into bed, snuggling into the covers as, about 10 seconds later, The Doc, with Wakko and Dot in tow, opens the door up and steps inside with the two younger Warner siblings)

Dr. Scratchansniff: Now kids, we should try being quiet, ja?  Your brother, he is still in bed...

(Dot and Wakko nod, then rush over to the bed, where Dot begins poking Yakko and Wakko reaches under the cover and uses his fingers to open Yakko's eye)

Wakko:  How are you feeling?

Yakko: I'd feel better without the poking and the eye opening....

(They both stop, but continue to look at Yakko as Scratchansniff enters into shot, a bit hesitantly)

Dr. Scratchansniff: Ok Yakko....I got you de medicine and tissues ja.....you uh....won't be sneezing on me again ja?

Yakko: Nah....I think that's past now.....

Dr. Scratchansniff:  Oh dat is very good

(On cue, Yakko sneezes, the force again which sends The Doc into the wall, again covered in snot)

Yakko: Uh....heh heh.....Sorry, I guess I had one more in me....

(Scratchansniff peels himself off the wall and begins to wipe himself down again. With a groan, he gives a thumb’s up, then crawls out the tower door. Wakko meanwhile grabs the medicine from Yakko, looks at it, takes a swig, then hands it to Yakko with a smile)

Wakko: The taste makes me wanna spew.....I'm sure it'll make you feel much better....

(Yakko sniffs it, takes a sip, makes a gookie, then swallows with a bit of a grimace)

Yakko: Why's that?

Wakko: Well duh.....bad tasting stuff is always good for you....like broccoli.....

Dot:  But you eat broccoli…

Wakko: Yeah....but I don't like it....

Dot: I.....oh whatever....so Yakko....what'd you do all day?

Yakko: Who....me? (He looks out the window slowly. Pee Wee Herman and the Sigourney Weaver are storming off their respective sets, Jennifer Aniston is running away, and Plotz is chasing Ralph around in a circle with a bat still. Yakko slowly looks back at Dot and grins) Why...I was inside all day....It was so very boring....

(He gives the camera a wink and two eyebrow raises as we iris to black)

The End